Your grandmother might say that masturbation is will make you blind or having sex before marriage is the most immoral thing to do. Thanks to the World Wide Web, you know better. You learned that having some alone time won’t affect your eyesight and in fact, there are tons of benefits associated to it. However, there is one thing that does happen: penile injury.
Apparently, it’s not an urban legend, which aims to make you say no to sex. Penile injury is no laughing matter. In fact, it happens not just during steamy sessions with your ladylove, but also while doing daily activities and during the performance of normal, ordinary tasks.
Save yourself a trip to the emergency room. If you want to keep your man down on its best state, make sure to read this list, so you will know what to do.
1. The Zipper Lock
Have you seen Cameron Diaz’s movie, There’s something about Mary? Sure, you paid attention on the boobs shot, but there is something you could learn from the movie when it comes to caring for your penis. Yes, it’s the zipper scene with Ben Stiller.
Apparently, that part where Ben Stiller zips his pants too quickly and accidentally zipping his manhood is not far from reality. It may be a funny scene, but this situation is no laughing matter especially for men who were on the same situation.
Surprisingly, one in every 4,000 men brings himself to the emergency room because of zipper incident. In fact, it is the most common penile injury, which affects men of all ages, specifically the younger ones who refuse to wear brief. What if you get caught in your zipper? Sadly, unzipping it could be worse than actually zipping yourself. Considering your penis’ physiology, it is best to leave the unzipping part to the doctors.
2. An Erection That Doesn’t Go Away
Can you remember that scene in Love and Other Drugs where Jake Gyllenhaal rushed himself to the hospital when he can’t get his man down? What about the scene in Little Fockers where Robert De Niro asked Ben Stiller’s – again – help because of prolonged erection?
It may be funny to think about, but the situation could be one of the most embarrassing ones you will ever have in case your erection decides to stay a bit longer.
Keep in mind that erection relies heavily on blood flow. When the situation calls for your man to participate, your brain activates everything related to erection.
However, there is a condition called priapism. Named after a Greek god, this condition refers to painful erection because your man down there doesn’t get fresh blood. If you allow your erection to last longer than four hours, this could lead to permanent damage – and you don’t want that.
3. The Dangers Of The Laptop
By definition, laptop is a portable computer that you could place on a table or any where you want. However, one of the most common places where your laptop is placed is your lap, hence the name.
Did you know that placing a laptop on your lap could spell danger? A laptop has an exhaust area, which allows itself to breathe. However, this will never be enough.
This electronic device needs to vent out some where and placing it on your laptop is the perfect place. If your laptop gets too hot, this could affect your sperm and kill them slowly.Here’s the alarming part: you will never know that it is slowly cooking your balls and killing your sperm.
A group of scientists looked into the effects of placing a laptop on the lap and its effects down there. They found out that putting it on your lap for 10 minutes could boil something down south – and it’s not good. The worst part is that these men didn’t feel anything. However, this could spell trouble when you are trying to get your ladylove pregnant. Do yourself a favor and keep that laptop away from your lap.
4. A Penis-Eating Dog
They say dog is a man’s best friend. It is also one of the most caring, most loving, and most loyal creatures you will ever meet. Not for this man’s dog from Romania.
While enjoying a good night’s sleep, 67-year old Constant in Mocanu was awakened by a noisy chicken in his backyard. Holding a knife, he went out to check the chicken while wearing nothing but boxer shorts. He took a swing on the chicken, only to realize that he cut off his own penis, not the chicken’s neck.
To make it worse, his dog saw what happened, run over to his sliced member and ate it. Sadly for him, his dog thought that his penis was food and didn’t even bother checking it out first. Bad dog.
5. “Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned.”
Or in this case, cheated on. In China, a man named Huang is having an affair with an 18-year old girl. Instead of being discreet about it, he let his wife, Li, know and even find out about the affair. He also refused divorce, trapping Li in a messy, no honesty situation.
After two years, Huang had a diarrhea and needed the help of his wife. Li considered this as a perfect opportunity to take revenge.
She gave him sleeping pills and waited for him to pass out. Then, Li got a fruit knife and cut his husband’s balls.
Despite what happened, Huang felt he was responsible for what happened and pleaded to the police to be nice to his wife. At least he admitted he was a cheater.
6. Testicular Torsion
Your penis is supposed to go either hard or in a flaccid state. However, the testicle remains in a single state, which is hanging from down there. Apparently, you could “rotate” your balls. When this happens, you will never want to experience this again. This is called testicular torsion. It is a condition, which happens when a testicle rotates and the spermatic cord twisted inside the scrotum. This results to reduced blood flow in the area, which leads to swelling and severe pain.
The reason why testicle rotates on the spermatic cord is still unclear. However, experts think this condition is hereditary. Also, vigorous activities, cold temperature, minor injury down there, and rapid growth of testicles during puberty could be the culprit. When this happens, make sure to seek immediate help as soon as possible. If untreated, this could permanently damage or kill the testicle. This could also make it difficult for you to father a child.
7. Wrecking Ball
You must be thinking Miley Cyrus – Liam Hemsworth breakup. Sadly, this condition is worse than that. The term, “ball breaker” has been around for ages. It is something men say every time they are caught in a difficult position or inconvenience.
Did you know that you could literally break your balls? By balls, this means your pair down there. Testicles are among the most vulnerable parts of your body.
They are merely hanging down there, with no protection what so ever. If you are not careful, someone could literally break your balls, as if cracking an egg. As stories show, it turns out that breaking your balls does happen.
It could be because of a hard punch, being struck in the nuts, or being hit down there with a sharp object. This leads to testicular rupture and is one of the most painful experiences you will ever have in your life. Thankfully, you can save your testicles through surgery. The sad part is they may never be the same again.
8. The Amazon Wang Wrecker
You decided to be adventurous and be one with Mother Nature by visiting the Amazon. While enjoying your alone time, you suddenly feel the urge to pee. The Amazon is supposed to be a nature preserve, so don’t expect world-class restroom facilities in the area. You figured, “Why not the river?” since no one would notice it anyway.
Apparently, the vampire fishes are not happy about pee in their river. Also known as Amazon wang wrecker and Candiru, this type of fish are toothpick-like fishes that look like parasites.
They chew a man’s penis as their form of revenge of disrupting their rich culture. To make it worse, vampire fish swim in groups, latch inside a man’s urethra for a change in environment, and cause pain to anyone who decides to mess up with them.
Unfortunately, you can’t just pull them out with your bare hands since it is useless and more painful. Think about it as a fishhook stuck in the pee hole. Don’t worry. In case you are in a similar situation, you could get rid of it through surgery.
What do these situations mean?
Your penis could bring you to a different dimension. It will make you experience a different kind of pleasure and give you the best feeling in life. However, you have to be careful with everything you do. Life has its own way of getting back at you and makes your penis an easy target for karma.